Why do I keep attracting the wrong people?

Picture the scene, you are out on another date. It could be the first date or a few dates in. Things started positively when you met. Then as you get to know the person more, things go down hill…Fast! Like hold onto your underwear fast! And you start to feel like its groundhog day. It’s the same turn-offs with this person as the last, and the one before that.

sigh

It keeps happening, again and again. The wrong people keep showing up.. To the point that you feel very frustrated and annoyed by the whole “dating thing”. To compound the way you are feeling , you are successful in the other areas… but your love life is a bit of a shipwreck!

So now you have reached a decision – no more swiping!  And you delete all the apps, stop going on blind dates or trying to meet people. Instead, you decide to adopt a lifestyle more suited to a monk and in a moment of existential crises you ask yourself “What’s wrong with me? “

Good news my friend, there is nothing wrong with you! I know we haven’t met but I have coached enough people to know that nobody is actually broken!  But…

Time for a bit of tough love I’m afraid…

YOU are attracting the wrong people into your life – You are doing it to yourself.  That’s right its on you I’m afraid. You are the reason they keep turning up like bad pennies! So now that you swallowed that bitter pill (and bite your tongue from yelling me, or the screen at least!), lets get into why you keep attracting the wrong people AND what you can do to get out of this self-fulfilling cycle of dating hell!

But first let’s take a little science break…. (bet you thought I was going say “Selfie”!)

You have a physical body, it’s made of skin, bones, muscles etc. If we look a little deeper we see you are made up of blood vessels, cells, DNA…And if we keep going you are made up of atoms…And eventually we find you are made up of energy (and a lot of empty space!). You and everything else in this universe is made up of energy.

Energy has a frequency. It vibrates. Everything in the universe is in a state of vibration

So what does this have to do with attracting the wrong person?

What you have is a mind-feeling-energy problem. Sounds complicated but its not, so lets break it down-

Your Mind

Your mind is a very sophisticated piece of equipment. It’s designed to spot patterns. At some point it noticed a pattern in the people you were dating – the wrong people and more specifically what was wrong with those people. That pattern could have been as simple as dating two people that were not right and your mind made a GIGANTIC leap and said “there’s a pattern here”

So your mind got you thinking about what was “wrong” with the people you met. Why they were not a good match for you. Rather than ignore the thoughts you keep thinking about it, and finding more things that were “wrong” and that sets up a feeling.

Feelings

Your thoughts are sending you down a feeling path and its not a good one right? You feel frustration, confusion, resentment even anger and bitterness (why can other people meet the right person but I can’t?).

So lets bring the science back in -

The way you feel affects your energy. When you feel some of those negative emotions like frustration and anger, your energy is in a low vibration. These emotions feel heavy, dark and not empowering. But when you feel positive emotions like Joy, gratitude and love, those emotions have a high vibration they are empowering. Your feelings are shifting the frequency your energy is vibrating at.

Energy

Your energy is vibrating based on how you are feeling. Energy can only attract what its in harmony with i.e. what it is a vibrational match for,

Put another way poop attracts flies. In other words, you can only attract into your life what you are in harmony with, or what’s on the same frequency or vibration as your energy.

Let’s use the radio analogy to really explain what’s happening.

You are a radio, one of those old school AM/FM radios like you had when you were growing up or your parents had.

You tune the radio to 97.3 FM. This station only plays Country music, but you hate country music. You love Jazz. Jazz music is played on 101.4FM a different frequency. Are you going to keep listening to the country station and get annoyed that they are playing country and not Jazz? Of course not! You would change the tuner to a different frequency – 101.4FM in this case and enjoy the Jazz.

By thinking thoughts which are causing powerful feelings about the wrong people showing you are tuning into the wrong frequency. You are attracting those people to you. You can’t attract the people you want because you are not on the right frequency.

So how do you break the cycle and start attracting the people you want to date?

Its pretty easy! You have to tune to a different station. Get your energy on a different frequency so you are match for the type of people you want to date.

Start thinking about what you want in a partner. Really dig into it. Create a picture in your mind of who you want and focus on it. Stop focusing on what’s wrong with the people that you have been dating.

If you keep your attention on what you really want over time (and away from what you don’t want!) I promise,  the people that you don’t want will gradually fade away and the people you want will start showing up.